SpotlightRose

My mother has moved in with me for the time being. It's comforting. Reminds me of the years that flew by too quickly. She had some of my old high school journals. I actually had table of contents for my journals back then. Ha! I forgot about that. Quite convenient though. I may take that up again. I was so conflicted and young back then. At least I'm a bit older now slightly more resolved, though there are some things I can't fix on my own. I'm still waiting I guess. What a coward I am. I should be putting more art up here soon. I've deviated from my original medium and fell in love with ceramics. I'm considering going to England for my MFA

I spent a moment a while ago looking through all my old entries. It was interesting to say in the least. I did, however, find an entry that dates the day I met my friend Jacob who died a few years back. More then anyone else in the world, for some reason, I remember meeting him most vividly in my mind. I also remember the very last time I saw him. So I've decided to keep writing every now and then here even though it's just for me. I'm off to Burning Man. 18 days on the Playa by myself. Blake's not going. I do and don't mind. I mind because I'll be going to sleep every night alone, but I don't mind because I feel slightly gypped out of the l

I stay confused, waiting. I sit in deep contemplation dissecting the wood grain of my room. I move deeply and slowly through texture. I absorb nothing. I've been contemplating a topic the whole of human existence has picked at for eons. The completely perplexing and devastating state of one's heart in love, out of love, between loves. I discovered the wisdom of my heart was more like ancient catacombs then the Hagia Sophia. I weep for I think I am ruined. I have lost all faith in finding someone who will be complimenting and encouraging to me. I may forever battle against the ideas of others in who I should be. I don't want a lover who will s